"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin...” -Zechariah 4:10 (NLT)
I've been on this journey for twenty-one years now and I've come a long way. When I think back even a few years; the memory is often accompanied with a feeling of disgust. 'Who I am, hates who I've been.' The childish egoism that dictated the majority of my early life is something I can't take back, and the time I used pursuing my own selfish interests is time I will never see again. I'm not the kind of guy to hold on to the past because I don't see the point in using this time in the present to try and undo what has already been sealed into the vaults of history but there is great wisdom to be found in reading the part of your story that has already been written. If you can't change it, learn from it. But most importantly, don't repeat it.
So often I find myself dreaming about what's to come. I am caught in the tension of reality and what I hope for.
I recently read this in, "The Children of Húrin" by J.R.R. Tolkien (speaking to Túrin):
"A Man you seem in stature, and indeed more than many already, but nonetheless you have not come to the fullness of your manhood that shall be. Until that is achieved, you should be patient, testing and training your strength...fear both the heat and the cold of your heart, and strive for patience, if you can."
I may appear as a man in stature but the truth is, even though I've come a long way; I still have a long way to go. It's hard to measure success without comparison because everyone has their own journey, but I for one am committed to give myself fully to the plans and purposes God has for me during my short stay here on earth. Not to be the best at whatever it is that I do compared to others, but to be faithful with what is in my hand and work diligently to establish God's Kingdom here on earth, in me, as it is in heaven. It sounds elegant but what does it look like practically? It actually starts in my bedroom where I spend many hours mostly in a state of unconscious dreaming or long periods of assessment and study (when I'm not on my computer). I love this place because it is here that I begin my day every morning and end at every night. It is here that I am completely transparent, here that I let my guard down, and here that I dream of the future. It is my own portal into God's presence, where I meet with Jesus in His Word through the Holy Spirit. It is here where battles are fought upon my knees, here where tears flow freely as I learn to let go, here where I am reminded this world is not my home.
I am convinced that God is doing a new thing in and through me, so I submit myself to his work. I will trust more in his ability to lead me, than my own ability to follow. I walk forward, expectant of all that is in store knowing that for those who trust in Him, the best is yet to come. For where I came from is not where I'm going, and this is just the beginning.